My dad is now in The Meadows off Greeneville and Meadows across from the old Chilis that is shut down. He should be in the meadows for 2 weeks or so and I in turn will be staying for at least two weeks. I will be feeding every meal, this works well since he doesn't eat breakfast and I don't have to be up there early. If anyone would like to offer to take/feed a meal it would be a nice break for me.
I think he is doing well. His physical therapy seems to be helping and I am hoping he will be able to handle being on his own by Christmas time or a little before. This would allow me to sleep in my own bed maybe for a few weeks and for Jess to have Christmas with her daddy.
Emotionally he is doing well also. He is encouraged by his being able to take small walking steps now and feels like he can do anything...although he is still limited and we are quickly reminded of this at meal time.
Please pray for the baby as we have missed one appointment and will most likely miss another due to being here. Pray for wisdom in how to handle care for my father as a whole. Pray also for a renewed spirit on a daily basis and that I remember to humbly pray and thank God for all he has provided even during a turbulent time.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Udate Tudesday Nov. 10
Today my dads levels went down in his blood so it is looking like he can be released to a nursing facility as planned in the coming 3 days or so. Perfect as I will be leaving town this weekend. He seems to be coming out of his meds a little. That is a great stride for him and also he is succeeding at physical therapy. I don't know what facility he will be moved to as insurance is jacking with us on this one. He will be accepted and then denied over and over. I am tired and its 4 and still have not had lunch so I am heading out to get some snack food. I will update later when I get a chance.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
update
yesterday right before I left I got a call from the Dr. It started out with, "well I just wanted to let you know that I ran some tests on your dad and hes not doing so hot". He is a great Dr. dont get me wrong. I appriciate his honesty with me and my dad but timing could have been a little better. There I stand with bags in hand Jess tugging at my side and a plane ticket in my purse. I had to get on that plane no matter what he said. I had things I had to do and I had to leave for 3 1/2 days to be exact. So it turns out his only kidney is not working properly. I dont know what this means and niether does the dr. Time will have to tell on this one.
My dad will not be released to the nursing facility until his kidney is a little stableized. He should be fine through monday...so I think I am safe.
My dad will not be released to the nursing facility until his kidney is a little stableized. He should be fine through monday...so I think I am safe.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
My dads surgery
So Wednesday I got in late. I kissed my dad and grabbed his car for transportation and quickly went to sleep at my grandmothers house (my temporary residence for the week)
Thursday morning 8:30 appoinment with neurosurgeon, schedule apointment for next morning at 6 for brain surgery for primary "large" infection and discuss that the other site or smaller site could be either an infectious reaction to radiation from a year ago or another tumor that has popped up and is growing. The Dr. wanted me to get my dad in for another apointment and PET scan for that day but no one would return my calls so that did not happen.
Friday morning surgery went well I guess, dr. never talked to me so I had to get the info second hand. Seems the infection was much larger than thought previously, will be lots of scarring and tissue damage but they think they got it all. His speech is severly slow and slurred even coming down off his serious meds. He also seemed markably more negative than in the past upon waking from this surgery. He is frustrated and man do I get it. That night I had a melt down and Nathan decided he needed to come in for a bit to support me.
Saturday he was still in ICU. No word on recovery or release from hospital date. My general concern was that he still had slurred speech and it was getting worse. Thought process is slow and sometimes confused. Entire left side of body not working and he was having a hard time eating. I was now on feeding duty for all meals.
Sunday moved to regular room as ICU was full. He was depressed but doing better. Meals were going better with help. I know the backroads "private" roads and all the attendants at the hospital garage exit/payment stations...its getting a little sad, I am considering bringing candy for them as I now know when each one works. My dad is a little checked out mentally and has a hard time describing what he needs. Still has not walked or talked but does recieve news that a PET scan will be done "in house" at the hospital in the next day
Monday ok day speech and energy a bit down as he had a PET scan and was not allowed to eat he also seemed disoriented. I took care of alot of the small stuff dealing with dr.s making calls, starting to work on his apartment cleaning and such.
Tuesday Nathan and I really started hitting the "clorox" portion of cleaning my dads apartment. It needed it despratly. Nathan did all the "toxic" work and I did the putting away of clothes and such. My dad was out of it a little bit today. I try to do alot of the talking for him when I can and when i am there. Its just frustrating for him to try to verbally explain things. He still needs help with feeding. I try my best. He may or may not be admitted into physical rehab, depending on what insurance decides. I may or may not be needed down her depending also on what insurance decides. No PET scan result yet, this will let us know what his other spot in his head is and what needs to be done about it, no surgery but possible drugs to get rid of infection or even radiation to get rid of tumor.
My family has been a huge support from moving boxing to just taking me out to dinner. I have met those angels of support in the hospital who are willing to listen and help me get what I need.
My dads friends have been patient and loving and firm.
As far as my heart, I am weak. I have made some hard decisions over the last few months. I have faced the reality of those this week. I know there are harder times to come. I cant tell you if he will regain strength in his left side ever. I cant tell you if he will or will not need me down here for a week or a few months. I just dont know.
My body is ok, I am sore from the stress and tired from the constant thinking. Its a boy and we are excited but I just dont want to miss this special time...and I will. The baby looks healthy and snuggly and there is not much more I could ask from a little boy.
I am waiting to hear back from his overseeing dr. in the next day or so to get a final opinion as far as the amount of time we have with him. We are done with chemo and the effects it seems to have on my dad. We are done with intence surgeries...i think. Its just a waiting game.
Prayers:
That all this will take place fast
That I will enjoy this time left with my daddy
That I will see the joy a new baby will bring and that will keep my smiling
That my dad comes to terms with the reality
Patients for both of us in all situations
That I would continue to be thankful for those dr.s and nurses who are caring for him
The lord would provide for a caretaker who has a baby due in april
I am sorry this was a bit late. Please let me know if you have any questions.
Thursday morning 8:30 appoinment with neurosurgeon, schedule apointment for next morning at 6 for brain surgery for primary "large" infection and discuss that the other site or smaller site could be either an infectious reaction to radiation from a year ago or another tumor that has popped up and is growing. The Dr. wanted me to get my dad in for another apointment and PET scan for that day but no one would return my calls so that did not happen.
Friday morning surgery went well I guess, dr. never talked to me so I had to get the info second hand. Seems the infection was much larger than thought previously, will be lots of scarring and tissue damage but they think they got it all. His speech is severly slow and slurred even coming down off his serious meds. He also seemed markably more negative than in the past upon waking from this surgery. He is frustrated and man do I get it. That night I had a melt down and Nathan decided he needed to come in for a bit to support me.
Saturday he was still in ICU. No word on recovery or release from hospital date. My general concern was that he still had slurred speech and it was getting worse. Thought process is slow and sometimes confused. Entire left side of body not working and he was having a hard time eating. I was now on feeding duty for all meals.
Sunday moved to regular room as ICU was full. He was depressed but doing better. Meals were going better with help. I know the backroads "private" roads and all the attendants at the hospital garage exit/payment stations...its getting a little sad, I am considering bringing candy for them as I now know when each one works. My dad is a little checked out mentally and has a hard time describing what he needs. Still has not walked or talked but does recieve news that a PET scan will be done "in house" at the hospital in the next day
Monday ok day speech and energy a bit down as he had a PET scan and was not allowed to eat he also seemed disoriented. I took care of alot of the small stuff dealing with dr.s making calls, starting to work on his apartment cleaning and such.
Tuesday Nathan and I really started hitting the "clorox" portion of cleaning my dads apartment. It needed it despratly. Nathan did all the "toxic" work and I did the putting away of clothes and such. My dad was out of it a little bit today. I try to do alot of the talking for him when I can and when i am there. Its just frustrating for him to try to verbally explain things. He still needs help with feeding. I try my best. He may or may not be admitted into physical rehab, depending on what insurance decides. I may or may not be needed down her depending also on what insurance decides. No PET scan result yet, this will let us know what his other spot in his head is and what needs to be done about it, no surgery but possible drugs to get rid of infection or even radiation to get rid of tumor.
My family has been a huge support from moving boxing to just taking me out to dinner. I have met those angels of support in the hospital who are willing to listen and help me get what I need.
My dads friends have been patient and loving and firm.
As far as my heart, I am weak. I have made some hard decisions over the last few months. I have faced the reality of those this week. I know there are harder times to come. I cant tell you if he will regain strength in his left side ever. I cant tell you if he will or will not need me down here for a week or a few months. I just dont know.
My body is ok, I am sore from the stress and tired from the constant thinking. Its a boy and we are excited but I just dont want to miss this special time...and I will. The baby looks healthy and snuggly and there is not much more I could ask from a little boy.
I am waiting to hear back from his overseeing dr. in the next day or so to get a final opinion as far as the amount of time we have with him. We are done with chemo and the effects it seems to have on my dad. We are done with intence surgeries...i think. Its just a waiting game.
Prayers:
That all this will take place fast
That I will enjoy this time left with my daddy
That I will see the joy a new baby will bring and that will keep my smiling
That my dad comes to terms with the reality
Patients for both of us in all situations
That I would continue to be thankful for those dr.s and nurses who are caring for him
The lord would provide for a caretaker who has a baby due in april
I am sorry this was a bit late. Please let me know if you have any questions.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Community College
There is a new sitcom on that takes place in a community college. I cant help but watch. So many of the small moments that show has captured is so real to me. When I graduated college my grades were not high enough to get into college so I had to work on them for a while at community college. The first two semesters I really didnt do much. I found myself lost with no direction, but then something changed the next summer and it hit me. If I ever wanted to become something or do anything beyond live at home I better get a move on with this education thing.
So I started working my butt off. I took heavy loads but this time I didnt drop the classes. I didnt give up when the going got tough instead I started a study group. I made a serious effort to make friends and keep them. I worked hard to get to know the food prep guys and the guy who vacumed "A hall" every monday at 3 PM. I did my best to invest in something I wanted to effect my future. But reality is it was still jr. college. No matter what way I cut it i still had those great quirky moments that made my experience real, and perfect.
I had a guy friend that I had a huge crush on. Oh he was so cute. What was he doing at community college, I dont know. I crushed on him for 2 years then he got married. There was always that stuck up cheerleader from highschool that flunked out of college and came back to get some hours under her belt that tried to be my best friend because she knew noone else. I was nice but never really became her friend, I hated her double standard. There was that guy that had a dream of becoming a racecar driver, via his 1960's station wagon, he always made me laugh. There was that teacher that read my paper aloud and said it was one of the best papers he had ever read...without mentioning my name...and that changed my entire outlook on who I could be as a student.
Community college opened my eyes to real life and real people and real changes going on in all of us. tt humbled me, it encouraged me, it grew me. In and of itself it was odd and funny and sad and encouraging. I now have a friend that works there and I am so proud of him. What a change he will make in thousands of peoples lives.
I thank who ever came up with the idea of this show I am not watching regularly. It reminds me so much of what I experienced in my own little Jr. College.
So I started working my butt off. I took heavy loads but this time I didnt drop the classes. I didnt give up when the going got tough instead I started a study group. I made a serious effort to make friends and keep them. I worked hard to get to know the food prep guys and the guy who vacumed "A hall" every monday at 3 PM. I did my best to invest in something I wanted to effect my future. But reality is it was still jr. college. No matter what way I cut it i still had those great quirky moments that made my experience real, and perfect.
I had a guy friend that I had a huge crush on. Oh he was so cute. What was he doing at community college, I dont know. I crushed on him for 2 years then he got married. There was always that stuck up cheerleader from highschool that flunked out of college and came back to get some hours under her belt that tried to be my best friend because she knew noone else. I was nice but never really became her friend, I hated her double standard. There was that guy that had a dream of becoming a racecar driver, via his 1960's station wagon, he always made me laugh. There was that teacher that read my paper aloud and said it was one of the best papers he had ever read...without mentioning my name...and that changed my entire outlook on who I could be as a student.
Community college opened my eyes to real life and real people and real changes going on in all of us. tt humbled me, it encouraged me, it grew me. In and of itself it was odd and funny and sad and encouraging. I now have a friend that works there and I am so proud of him. What a change he will make in thousands of peoples lives.
I thank who ever came up with the idea of this show I am not watching regularly. It reminds me so much of what I experienced in my own little Jr. College.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Where is it
So now that I am out of the dark woods of losing this baby every part of me wants to decorate the babies room but I just dont have it in me. My energy is so low at this point and the idea of actually decorating anything is tiresome. I have organized and worked through most of the room but I just dont know how to get back that little extra boost of energy. Most days at 1 or so I have to take a 2 hour break. I usually end up watching something with jess and that can be quite boring but I just dont have the energy to fight it. I just feel so lazy. I know I am growing a baby, a human life in my belly but it is just frustrating when the babies room could be looking a little bit cuter day by day and I just dont have it in me. I am excited to have this baby and grow my belly and love on its little toes and kiss its little ears and smell that fresh baby breath but I just can not seem to get it together.
In a nutshel I am so excited to add this last person to my family but am not sure how we are going to have a grand homecoming for it when I cant seem to get the gumption together to get it done.
In a nutshel I am so excited to add this last person to my family but am not sure how we are going to have a grand homecoming for it when I cant seem to get the gumption together to get it done.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
My cup has spilled
Its been a long week. It stated with a 101 temp right along side jess. We fought the gunk together and it took about 3 days to recover. The next day my dad needed to go to the ER to make sure he was ok. If you have ever sent a loved one to the hospital and been so far away its a difficult decision and process of waiting to hear the news. Praise Jesus for giving my dad great friends who kept me informed of what was going on. 2 days later out of the blue I started to "spot". I got a sonogram to check the baby. We dont know what caused the bleeding. There is not evidence of tearing or scaring, it was just bleeding. The baby apears fine. Now I am on restricted physical activity. When your main activities are toting around a 3 year old, cleaning a house and assisting in a youth ministry it is hard to determine what needs to be omited from your list of activities.
I am back to being fearful of what the future might hold. Everything and I mean everything is out of my control. I cant make this baby stay in my belly if God does not want me to have it. I can not make my dad better. I just have to sit back and let the pieces fall where they may.
If we lose this baby we will not be trying again. Nathan will get "fixed" and we will be done. We have lots of reasons for this but mostly its stuff I just dont want to go into on here. For how much I talk about stuff on here I also dont reveal alot of the pain and general issues surrounding pregnancy for us. We will love jess to the best of our ability and be happy with the child that God has given us. We made this decision before we even got pregnant and we are content with staying with it even with all the activity in the last week.
All that to say I feel like instead of my cup running over instead it has spill. I just dont have much left this week. So that is where I am.
I am back to being fearful of what the future might hold. Everything and I mean everything is out of my control. I cant make this baby stay in my belly if God does not want me to have it. I can not make my dad better. I just have to sit back and let the pieces fall where they may.
If we lose this baby we will not be trying again. Nathan will get "fixed" and we will be done. We have lots of reasons for this but mostly its stuff I just dont want to go into on here. For how much I talk about stuff on here I also dont reveal alot of the pain and general issues surrounding pregnancy for us. We will love jess to the best of our ability and be happy with the child that God has given us. We made this decision before we even got pregnant and we are content with staying with it even with all the activity in the last week.
All that to say I feel like instead of my cup running over instead it has spill. I just dont have much left this week. So that is where I am.
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